Every Saturday morning is hard. Every 4 hour drive back home brings back unwanted memories. The last Saturday of October is the worst.
On the last Thursday of October, two years ago, I was in the kitchen baking cookies while Cindy and Iris sat at the kitchen table decorating them. Iris had never decorated cookies before. My sister and I grew up decorating cookies for every holiday, at the kitchen table while my mom baked in the kitchen. Iris even tried to jump in on the baking too, but I shooed her back to the table. (I don't play well with others when I'm baking in my kitchen.) : )
That night, after all the cookies were done and the kitchen was cleaned, the 3 of us went upstairs to get ready for bed. Cindy and I watched as Iris packed her suitcase and got herself ready for her trip to Alice for the weekend. She had a 7am class on Fridays, and was driving to Alice as soon as class was over. I gave her a huge hug and told her I loved her. She said, "I love you, too" as she hugged me back with one of her famous bear hugs. That was the first time we had ever shared those words.
Those are the last spoken words that we ever said to each other. We texted each other a few times the next day, but "I love you" will forever be the last thing that we said to each other.
Last night as I was buying a bottle of wine, I suddenly remembered that last Friday night in October 2 years ago. Cindy and I were buying a bottle of wine, and we both got a text from Iris with a blurry picture of someone in a costume. Her message said "I doubt you can see him but that guy in green is dressed as tinkerbell : ))"
Today, on the last Saturday of October, we are driving the same long road that we drove 2 years ago. It never gets easier, and it never will.
Remembering that hug and those last words Iris and I spoke to each other gives me a sense of peace. We definitely had some difficult times, but we moved past them and had a pretty good relationship.
So on this last Saturday of October, I will try my best to feel her hug and see her smile. And as I whisper "I love you" up to the heavens, I know that she'll be smiling back and saying, "I love you, too."
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