A happier Thanksgiving...

It was about 4 years ago...can that be right? 4 years ago Iris was only 15, wasn't she? I know that's not true, but it's so hard to comprehend that no matter how much time goes by, she'll always be 19. *sigh*

Let me try this again.

It was about 4 years ago, that Iris agreed to spend Thanksgiving lunch with me and Cindy at my mom's house. This was a big deal. If you had told me, a year before, that Iris would EVER spend any holiday with us, I would have never believed it. But there we were, at my moms. Looking back, I don't think my mom knew we were coming because there wasn't enough chairs in the dining room. We were going to either sit at the kitchen table near the food, or bring chairs to the dining room. Iris wanted to stay in the the kitchen, so we served ourselves a plate and sat down to eat. After a while, members of my family started coming in every once in a while to get seconds. I looked over at Iris and noticed that she had more food on her plate than she had a few minutes before. She looked at me and said, "I like sitting here because I can get seconds without anyone seeing me."

I miss that girl so much. I know that today she would have kept coming in the kitchen while I was baking to sneak a taste. I know that she would be drinking with us right now, laughing at the kids. I know that tomorrow she would be bumping us out of the way to get to the ham. I know that I am so thankful to have been her stepmonster, and I know that she knows how much she is loved an missed.

Saturday mornings and 4 hour road trips

Every Saturday morning is hard. Every 4 hour drive back home brings back unwanted memories. The last Saturday of October is the worst.

On the last Thursday of October, two years ago, I was in the kitchen baking cookies while Cindy and Iris sat at the kitchen table decorating them. Iris had never decorated cookies before. My sister and I grew up decorating cookies for every holiday, at the kitchen table while my mom baked in the kitchen. Iris even tried to jump in on the baking too, but I shooed her back to the table. (I don't play well with others when I'm baking in my kitchen.) : )

That night, after all the cookies were done and the kitchen was cleaned, the 3 of us went upstairs to get ready for bed. Cindy and I watched as Iris packed her suitcase and got herself ready for her trip to Alice for the weekend. She had a 7am class on Fridays, and was driving to Alice as soon as class was over. I gave her a huge hug and told her I loved her. She said, "I love you, too" as she hugged me back with one of her famous bear hugs. That was the first time we had ever shared those words.

Those are the last spoken words that we ever said to each other. We texted each other a few times the next day, but "I love you" will forever be the last thing that we said to each other.

Last night as I was buying a bottle of wine, I suddenly remembered that last Friday night in October 2 years ago. Cindy and I were buying a bottle of wine, and we both got a text from Iris with a blurry picture of someone in a costume. Her message said "I doubt you can see him but that guy in green is dressed as tinkerbell : ))"

Today, on the last Saturday of October, we are driving the same long road that we drove 2 years ago. It never gets easier, and it never will.

Remembering that hug and those last words Iris and I spoke to each other gives me a sense of peace. We definitely had some difficult times, but we moved past them and had a pretty good relationship.

So on this last Saturday of October, I will try my best to feel her hug and see her smile. And as I whisper "I love you" up to the heavens, I know that she'll be smiling back and saying, "I love you, too."

Iris and Lily

My earliest, and probably my favorite, memory of Iris took place at the softball fields in Alice. I was there to watch the game, not play - I do not do well with team sports, especially softball. That's another story altogether. Anyway...I was there with a friend (or an ex, whatevs) who had been invited to play by Cindy, who I worked with. We got to the field and found the team waiting for the current game to finish so they could take the field.

Iris was about 11 years old, and she was sitting in a foldable camping chair next to the bleachers. She had a fat, black puppy on her lap. Being a dog lover, I was immediately drawn to them. I said hi (I believe we had met before) and scooped up the puppy, asking, "what's its name?" She looked up at me with all the pride of a new momma and said, very confidently, "Lily". It was at that time that the little puppy started squirming and ended up in my arms, belly up. I glanced down and realized that this was no Lily!

My friend/ex was standing right next to me, so I showed her the dog, belly first, and said, "Look at the puppy! HER name is LILY." She first looked at me like I had hit my head, because why else would I be talking so slowly? I did the thing where you point at something with your eyes all big. You've done it before, don't lie. She finally noticed that Lily was a boy!

I handed the dog back to Iris, not wanting to break a little girl's heart. I walked over to say hi to Cindy and mentioned the puppy's name. I kinda laughed because I thought surely she would know the difference, right? Wrong! Cindy ran over to Iris and grabbed the dog to look. She looked at us puzzled and said, "I thought boys had it right between their legs!"

So there I am explaining what the male and female anatomy of dogs looks like to Cindy and Iris. Teaching before I was a teacher! I should add that to my resume!

A few minutes later, as we were watching the game, I saw that Iris was still sitting in her camping chair holding her puppy, but now she had sunk down a little lower and didn't look quite as happy as before. A friend walked up to her and said, "oh what a cute puppy! What's its name?" Iris looked up with the biggest pouty face ever seen and said, "well, her name WAS Lily."

I'll never forget that story, or the look on that little face. Lily was renamed Jet that night, and after a short time in therapy, had a happy life. : )

What I miss the most...

I miss Iris every day. Every hour of every day is more accurate. I only got to be a part of her life for 8 short years. We had some great times, and oh, did we have some bad times! Any mother of a teenager can relate. It gets ugly, people. It goes without saying that I miss her face, her voice, her laugh, her hugs....I could go on forever...

As I drove home from work today, a rainy day, I couldn't help but think of what I miss the most.

I miss the way she would roll her eyes when I tried to give my advice.

I miss the way she always wanted to be my personal stylist when we went shopping. (I still don't know how to wear scarves.)

I miss the way she and I could be mad at each other one minute, and bond over trashy reality TV the next.

I miss how she taught me all the words to every Lady Gaga song.

I miss being shopping buddies...clothes, makeup, purses, anything!

I miss us fighting over the comfiest spot on the couch.

I miss ganging up against Cindy. We would always win! ; )

I miss coming home and finding her on the couch, watching TV.

I miss how she would always lose or break her phone.

I miss how she told stories.

I miss how she loved hanging out with her mom.

I could write a book about all the things I miss after only 8 years. These are things that I miss every day and I'll never forget. People think this month is harder to get through. It's not any harder than any other month of the year. It's not more painful than every day. Regardless of the smiles on our faces or the spring in our step, the ache of missing her is always there. I miss her so much every day and the hole in my heart will never fully heal.

I love that I can talk about her with my friends and family without them acting uncomfortable or looking at me in pity. I want people to know her and how she was and who she was. I don't want anyone to ever forget.

There are many people that have come and gone in my life, and I miss them all. But I'll always miss her the most.

Catching Up!

Wow... we go out of town for 4 days and it takes me a whole damn week to catch up!  I know you've been on pins and needles waiting for a new post, and I hate to disappoint...so here it is!  : )  I really need to come up with daily themes like I've seen on other blogs, but for now I'll just stick to filling you in on my oh-so-exciting life.  : )

Last Friday, we headed out to Austin to visit my best friend, Ange.  It was such a beautiful day.

We went to dinner at one of our favorite Austin restaurants, The Oasis, with Ange and Felicity.  Great food, great friends!

On Saturday, we headed to Bastrop to relax at the fabulous Hyatt Lost Pines Resort.  We had a great time relaxing on the lazy river all day. 

We needed to rest in the room for a bit afterwards.

We had some s'mores, some yummy drinks, and lots of much needed girl time!

There was lots of yummy food there, but by far the BEST thing I ate was the BLTG - honey cured bacon, arugula, tomato aioli, and goat cheese on sourdough, served with sweet potato fries.  O.M.G!  It was like the chef could read my mind and put all of my favorite things together on one plate.  Seriously.  Best. meal. ever.

The only thing I didn't like about that meal was that it was our last at Lost Pines : (  Unfortunately, we had to head back home to reality enjoy the rest of our summer.   On the way home we saw a bunch of trees that were burned in the wildfires last year.  It was really sad.

We didn't bring any souveniers home, but I did get a nice golden tan....on almost every visible part of my body.  I seriously have no idea what happened there!

The best thing about coming home was that I got some much needed FaceTime with my two favorite little guys!

Wednesday, we went to a Mary Kay party at a friend's house.  There was yummy food and drinks, and I got to play with makeup!  Fun!!!

To wrap up the week, I got an old tattoo covered with an original (and beautiful!) design that my favorite tattoo artist, Red, drew for me.  Here's the before, during, and after pics of my new ink. 

I love the design and the colors!  I couldn't be happier about it!

And that's how we spent our week!  I promise I won't slack off again.... at least I'll try not to!  I hope you enjoyed the pictures... see ya soon!

What I wanna know is...

• What was your favorite part of the past week?

: )

Fourth of July Fun!

Cindy and I went to my mom/sister's house yesterday to hang out with the family and eat some yummy grub.  Here's a rundown of our day there.

We finally got to cut into the Strawberry Blueberry Poke Cake that I made for the 4th.  My stepdad LOVED it!  I'm not sure, but I think he loved it even more when I told him that it was a healthy cake! : )  In my opinion, it was good, but not great.  Whatever.  I got to eat cake and not feel terribly guilty about it which makes for a pretty good day!

My sister, Veronica, showed me her latest jewelry pieces.  She has her own jewelry business called Bella Cosas.  She is now making these gorgeous wrap bracelets that I absolutely LOVE!! I tried this one on and tried to sneak out with it, but she wouldn't let me! : ( 

She can make the bracelets in all colors and lengths and she can even personalize them with these adorable alphabet blocks.

 My favorite part of the day was hanging out with our 2 favorite boys, Jack and Drew!

 This little guy is becoming quite an inchworm!

 Jack got some new "big boy" toys and was obviously too busy to smile for the camera.

enjoying our day

We had some yummy steaks and roasted veggies for dinner, then we played with the boys a little more. 

Rolling around

The boys wrestled in grandpa's "man cave" while we watched Wheel of Fortune.

After a long day, Cindy and I headed home and decided to forgo the fireworks show and go watch The Amazing Spiderman instead.  If you haven't seen it yet, let me save you about $20 - go rent the first Spiderman movie at a Redbox and be done with it.  Sure, the special effects and graphics are pretty awesome (especially in 3D), but the story line is EXACTLY the same with just a few minor changes.  Which, I guess, means it's not exactly the same, but you know what I mean.  Regardless...it's a good movie, but we liked it back in 2002... when it first came out.  Okay, you get the hint.  I'll move on.

We spent today doing a little shopping and getting stuff ready for our weekend getaway to Hyatt Lost Pines outside of Austin.  We get to see some great friends, spend the weekend with my BFF, and relax and have tons of fun at this amazing resort... I can hardly wait!  I even got a bright, fun summer mani/pedi! Yes, I decided to try the accent nail trend.  What do you think? 

While I don't plan on blogging over the weekend, I'll be sure to take tons of pictures and tell you all about our trip on Monday! 

What I wanna know is:

• How did you spend your Fourth of July?
• Did you or are you planning on taking any trips this summer?

Random Ramblings

Since nothing particulary interesting happened today, I thought I would share some random things that I'm loving...and not loving...lately.

While walking through Home Depot the other day, I stumbled upon one of my latest favorite things.  Yes, Home Depot... I know...I'm boring like that.  Anyway... I found this super awesome gadget that screws into our outdoor light fixture, and it automatically turns our outside light on at dusk and off at dawn.  Sweet!! No more forgetting to turn the darn thing off in the morning!

Something else I'm totally LOVING right now.... wait for it... BACON JAM!  Seriously!  Have you ever??? We tried it at HEB one day, and I just had to get one.  Okay, two.  Don't judge...they were buy one, get one free!  It is seriously the best thing ever.  You can put bacon jam on just about anything and make yummy food even yummier!  Mix it into burgers, spread it on instead of mustard or mayo, go crazy... it's bacon jam!!  AND... it's only 35 calories for 1 tablespoon - which is the perfect amount to spread on a beef or salmon burger for a yummy kick!  You can even make it yourself...click here.

They're not kidding... it's better than good!

What else am I loving lately?  Almond milk!  I love to eat cereal for breakfast or a snack, and this unsweetened almond milk is the perfect substitution for regular milk with about 50 calories less per cup!

Speaking of cereal... here's a little discovery that I'm NOT loving lately...
At the beginning of summer when we started on our weight loss/healthy life journey, we picked up a box of Kashi Go Lean Crunch.  It was so yummy and only 200 calories per cup.  Add the 35 calories from the almond milk... great low cal breakfast!



Then last week while shopping, I looked at the calories in other healthy cereals and found that Fiber One Nutty Clusters & Almonds has only 180 calories per cup.  Hey, 20 calories might not seem like a lot, but it adds up quick! 

I was feeling pretty good about myself the other night as I poured myself a bowl. Cindy asked for a bowl of her favorite cereal, so I pulled out the box. And just because I can't help myself... I looked at the calories.

Would you believe that Lucky Charms has LESS calories per cup than my "healthy" cereals??  Seriously!!! I'm pretty sure I pouted as I carried the 2 cereal bowls to the living room.  Oh, well...at least I know to check more labels before I buy!

One more thing that I'm totally loving... one of my new favorite healthy food blogs, Dashing Dish.  Tonight, I made this fabulous 4th of July Strawberry Blueberry Poke Cake to take to my mom's house tomorrow. 

First, I got all the ingredients ready...

Then I baked the cakes.

After the cakes are cooled and "poked", I poured the fresh strawberry and blueberry syrup (which I forgot to snap a pic of) over the cakes.

I mixed up the frosting (sugar free pudding mix and fat free cool whip), covered everything and put it in the fridge to chill overnight.  Tomorrow after our Aqua Fit class, I'll put it all together so we can take it to mom's for dessert.  YUM!  I can't wait to taste it! 

Any guesses on how many calories per slice?  Anyone... anyone??? Bueller...Bueller...  FINE!  I'll tell you!  187!!! You'd better believe I'm gonna have me a slice!  You can also use gluten free cake mix if you need to!  I'll be sure to snap a pic of the finished cake tomorrow.  Happy Fourth!

What I wanna know is...

•  What are your plans for the 4th?

 



Eff you, Starbucks!

Today was my cheat day. We started off by going to Starbucks, where I stood in line to place my order...a very responsible choice...a tall, skinny, sugar-free iced vanilla latte. Yes, I'm one of "those" people. And yes, i know it was cheat day, but I wanted to save my calories for dinner, dessert, and drinking.

While standing in line, I turned my head to the left and found myself staring at a blueberry scone, my former treat of choice at every Starbucks visit. That scone and I stared at each other for what seemed like forever, and before I knew it I was placing my drink order...and asking for that scone! Ugh! "Oh well," I kept telling myself, "I'm not gonna think about the calories; it's a cheat day." (uh-huh, okay, sure) We got our orders and left.

In the car, after about 30 seconds of "not thinking about it", I grabbed my phone and started frantically looking for calorie info for my drink and scone. I found a website that told me that my drink had zero calories. ZERO! Do you realize what that means?!? Let me explain something for those of you who may not get it...telling a chubby girl who is working hard to lose weight (granted, not today) that one of her guilty pleasures has zero calories is like telling a shopaholic that her favorite store is giving away free shit. Seriously.

I read the info over again several times before a huge grin spread across my face. Cindy saw me, or maybe she heard me gasp- I'm pretty sure I gasped- and asked what it said. I kept staring at the zero in disbelief. Now, I'm not one to exaggerate (that is SO not true), but I felt like Charlie Bucket when he saw the first glimpse of gold under the wrapper of that Wonka bar. Inside I was giggling and jumping for joy, but I didn't want to openly celebrate just yet. Could it be true?! Zero calories?!? That would mean I could drink one every day, 20 times a day if I wanted, and not budge an ounce on the scale.

I finally shared my newfound knowledge with Cindy who had been repeatedly asking me, "what does it say?!?". I was floating on a skinny, sugar-free high...until I found another site and an app that told me that my drink was actually 60 calories. Initiate descent...my smile faded, but I told myself that 60 calories for a sweet treat that I love is nothing to be upset about.

At this point, you may be wondering about the scone. If you are referring to the blueberry scone that I shoved in my face in about 20 seconds while I searched for calorie info, well... allow me to tell you. Warning: this is not for the faint of heart. I finally found the words "blueberry scone" on the app. My finger hovered above the words that, when touched, would show me the number of calories that I had so quickly consumed. I kept hearing Cindy saying "don't do it!"

And guess what? I did it.
I saw the number.

My heart stopped, and I literally felt like I was gonna faint. Do you know how many calories Starbucks (who I know lovingly refer to as Star*ucks) shoves into those blueberry scones? 460!!! I. am. not. kidding. That's more than I've been eating at one meal lately! There I sat, completely shocked, thinking about how many times I've scarfed one of those scones down - more than I want to remember, that's for sure.

I'm not gonna lie...part of me wishes I had never looked at that info, never known that a triangle of pastry (and fruit!) could pack more calories than my whole dinner! But I feel a little better knowing that number because I know that it's gonna be stuck in my head the next time I want to make a bad food choice.

Luckily, I wasn't tempted to research the calories in my dinner, dessert, and drinks tonight...but I am happy to report that although I cheated, I didn't completely over do it on the food. The drinks...well, that's another story! : )

What I wanna know is:
• What is your favorite (low-cal or not) sweet treat?

Saturday Score!

This morning, we got up super early (6 am!) to head out to some garage sales. We are planning a master suite makeover and wanted to see what we could find to help with the costs. We hit several sales and ended up with these awesome finds!

Cindy found this sweet punching bag for our home gym for $20! It retails for $100!

She also got this circular saw for $20... it retails for $70!

We got these pretty wreaths for $1 each!

My favorite find of the day.... matching sand colored, crackle-finished lamps with brushed nickel bases.  The lamps are from Pier 1 and in near perfect condition, and although they don't have shades (yet), they are certainly worth way more than the $5 we paid for both of them!  Score!

 

But, by far the BEST score of the day...

 Ha!  That's right, baby!  Thanks to Kroger and the recent gas prices, we filled up both cars at $2.93/gallon!  MAJOR SCORE!

I would say it was a productive morning...

What I wanna know is....

• What's the best deal you ever scored?
• How was your Saturday morning?

Till next time, friends! : )